If you want to get your wife to swing don’t surprise her
I keep reading articles and forums with the topic of ‘How to get your wife to swing’. Your wife is not going to become a swinger because you want her too. She can’t be “made”, “tricked” or “forced” into becoming a swinger. She has to want to try swinging.
You can, however, ruin it for someone who might be thinking about it or even already active in the lifestyle.
One sure way to do this is to surprise or deceive them into doing something.
Unless you and your partner have discussed explicitly that you are both okay with each other trying new things you should discuss up front any ideas you have before trying them. If you are in doubt, I would suggest you don’t surprise anyone with any new moves.
That’s New !
O n a play date my partner was trying out a sexy new massage technique. It soon became obvious his partner had not seen this technique before. She didn’t appreciate him trying it out on me first.
She made it clear that it wasn’t something he had done with her and that she had noticed it. On the way home, we both commented that it had felt weird once she had made that comment.
The next day the guy mentioned his lady had been in a bad mood all morning, hmmm wonder why…..
Don’t dismiss your partner’s feelings if it does happen, talk about why it happened.
Party Surprise
A rranging a play date with a visiting couple recently led us to write this article. We had agreed on including some light bondage with restraints and blindfolds using silk scarves.
The guy from the couple contacted hubby a week before the play date and wanted to do more than we had agreed.
He mentioned about giving “the girls a surprise” while they were blindfolded, this was the most worrying thing.
We did not feel comfortable playing with the couple anymore. The concern would be, throughout the play date, about any surprises even though we had said no.
You can’t relax if you are worried about surprises so the play date is spoiled. The best policy is don’t spring surprises when swinging.
Of course, this is especially true when playing for the first time, you have to build a level of trust between you all first.
If you want to get your wife to swing then she has to feel confident she can relax, enjoy herself and feel safe knowing what is going on.
The Unaware Wife
R ecently we were chatting with a guy on IM to arrange a meet up with him and his wife.
Arranging the meeting
Deciding the date and time to meet was proving difficult. His wife didn’t want to meet because a previous couple had been too pushy.
I understood this, as this can be an issue when meeting new couples. We are sympathetic towards them and always try and set them at their ease.
He suggested we meet and not tell his wife that this was a swinger date and just see how things went.
Just Friends
He wanted to tell her that we were just friends of his and see if she fancied us afterwards.
I said we wouldn’t meet them if he was deceiving her. I found out eventually that that is exactly what happened the last time. No wonder his wife thought that the couple were pushy.
In their previous date the topic of swinging had come up. Unfortunately, his wife had no idea she was on a swinger date.
His deception
His deception on the previous date caused his wife to resist meeting new couples because they “always want to talk about sex”.
Not a good introduction to the swinging lifestyle. He will find it difficult to bring up the subject in future now that she knows he was deceiving her.
Tricking your partner into going on a swinger date is a bad way to start swinging.
It isn’t fair on your partner or the other couple and doesn’t end well usually.
His wife thinks that the other couple were pushy and after sex from everyone when in fact the problem was her husband not telling her the truth.
Loss of trust
If she had found out the truth how would she have felt knowing she was the only one who didn’t know it was a swinger date?
Would you trust him again in her position?
Meet with a new couple socially first
This is why we do ask questions about lifestyle experiences from both parties once we meet up.
To some people, this may seem a little indiscreet, but it lets us feel comfortable knowing that both parties are happy to be there.
Better to be surprised when meeting socially than when on the play date.
To get your wife to swing be transparent in all correspondence and meetings.
When you know a surprise would be welcome
T here are occasions when a surprise is welcome but this is the exception not the rule.
During a dinner date with a couple, the guy mentioned he had arranged for her birthday a surprise swinging party, and how much fun she had had.
This couple, however, had been together and swinging very regularly for years AND the people invited to the party where all of the lady’s favourite playmates male and female. Some of the people had flown in from afar just for the occasion.
Let’s review this, he knew her well enough to know that she would really enjoy this surprise.
He invited HER favourite playmates, people she had played with and had fun with before.
Have you had any experiences of being suprised at a swinger date or play date? How did it turn out? Let us know in the comments.
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