S winging is popular with couples in life term relationships that want to add some fun and excitement back into their sex lives. Just make sure you have discussed with your partner the topic thoroughly to avoid missteps or disagreements.
You do no need to be married to swing.
You can be in a long term relationship or just be a “swinging couple”, two people that swing together.
We like to think of swinging as a hobby, it’s a fun activity to do but we don’t take it too seriously.
Swinging pros: The advantages of swinging
Watching your partner have sex with someone else is highly arousing
Men, in particular, love to see their wives have sex with other men. This is the “hotwifing” / “cuckolding” fetish. Swinging is a good way to see if this fetish works for you.
I’m sure your wife would be happy to oblige you!
Honesty in your relationship
Be open and honest with your partner about your kinks, turn-ons and fantasies. If you are in a long term relationship it’s likely your partner would love to make your fantasies come true.
When responding to your partners’ fantasies do so in a non-judgemental way. Your partner will feel safe discussing their turn-ons, no matter how kinky they are.
Less risk of STDs
No, I’m not joking. The thing is with swinger couples they ALWAYS wear condoms. Married couples not so much. That wouldn’t matter if married couples were always faithful with each other… You know where I’m going with this.
There is a lot of infidelity in marriage which means married couples have other sexual partners but have penetrative sex with their spouse WITHOUT using a condom.
Safety tip: Condoms don’t protect you from Herpes or HPV so do remember to have regular STD checks (something married couples don’t do).
See also: 5 weird ways to get an STD
Explore your fantasies
You get to explore a world of possibilities when swinging. Fantasies that were impossible before now become possible.
- Want to try a threesome?
- A gangbang?
- Curious about playing with your own gender? (See: bi-sexual women and swinging)
All are possible with swinging.
“Experimenting with Bi-Sexuality is a fun and important part of being in the lifestyle to me. In a vanilla marriage, I wouldn’t get the chance to experiment with playing with girls and I would definitely be missing out on a lot of fun there.”
Improves your relationship
You may think that having sex with other people will not lead to improving your relationship. But you would be wrong. The open communication, honesty and shared exploring of fantasies and turn-ons can boost the quality of your relationship.
No more need to repress urges, such as bi-sexuality, you now have the freedom to explore them fully.
We all have a need for variety, in anything, and that includes our sex lives.
Imagine having your favourite dish every day, day after day, it would get boring, wouldn’t it?
It’s the same with sex. No matter how wonderful your partner is we all crave new sensations and experiences. With swinging you get to satisfy this need within your relationship.
Sexual boredom is one of the main drivers for infidelity in marriages. Predictability is boring, one of the most exciting things about swinging with a new couple is you don’t know what to expect. It’s all new and exciting and anything can happen.
Improved communication with your partner
Good communication is needed before starting to swing. What rules will you have?
- Swap or no-swap
- Same room sex?
- Penetration or just oral sex?
You have to decide, in advance, and consider all the what-ifs?
Better communication with your partner will remove most of the disadvantages about swinging.
Helps with insecurities
It’s a boost to the ego when swinger couples want to have sex with you. You may hear compliments from your partner all the time but coming from a stranger it’s something else.
Date nights with couples gives you a chance to look the best for your partner. Enjoy dating again and dressing up for a drink and flirting with each other.
Swinging will mean you will need to buy sexy lingerie regularly. Does “they saw me in that lingerie last time” sound familiar? You can update your collect of toys at the same time.
Make new friends
You do plenty of socialising as a swinger, at least we do. Some couples you no longer play with but still meet socially. The swinging lifestyle is a great way to meet people, whether you have sex with them or not.
Lower divorce rate
It’s true. Swingers have a lower divorce rate than monogamous couples. The freedom and open-mindedness that comes with swinging leads to longer lasting marriages.
Interesting fact: 51% of monogamous marriages fail!
Cons of swinging in a marriage
This has to be the biggest drawback to swinging for a marriage. Swinging can heighten feelings of insecurity. Any misunderstandings, due to poor communication, just makes things worse.
Keeping the lifestyle a secret
It’s a burden to hide your lifestyle from other people. People, who if they were more open-minded, would enjoy the swinging lifestyle.
Some people, wrongly, associate swinging with cheating or think you are being immoral.
Sometimes there is a differences of opinion about another couple. It’s very hard to get a four-way connection so usually, one person is losing out, or not getting as much as the other. It’s generally not a good idea to “take one for the team” as it can lead to resentment.
Be sure to fully talk out any differences to ensure there are no sore feelings if one partner thinks they have lost out, or not been heard.
Finding partners to swing with is hard
- Search for swingers
- Filter out the time wasters and fakes
- Communicate with the good couples to arrange a meet up
- Meet with the couple
- Arrange a playdate (if everyone hits it off which is unlikely)
- Playdate! Yay!
Swinging doesn’t solve marital problems – it makes them worse
Some couples try to use swinging to sort out their marital problems. The problem is marital problems can be caused by poor communication. Swinging requires good communication to start with so you are setting yourself up for failure.
Sort out your martial problems first before starting in the swinging lifestyle.
Unintended emotional attachment
You can develop an unintended emotional attachment outside your marriage with a swinging partner. Even if it wasn’t intentional it can still be a problem.
Weeding out the “Fakes and Flakes” can take a lot of time. Minimise the time by asking questions such as their marital status soon after you contact each other. Try to organise a face to face meet up soon after.
A lot of the fakes are keen to email, message and exchange photos but when a meeting is discussed they back off. The sooner this happens the less time you have wasted on them.
There are much more pros than cons in the list above, but the main con, jealousy cannot be ignored.
I feel that swinging can be a fun way to share your sex life with others as well as enhance your sex life with your partner.
If your communication is good you can overcome any of the cons. If your communication with your partner is not good work on that first, then try swinging.
We would love to hear from you. Please comment below.
- Have we missed any pros or cons out in your opinion?
- We would love to get your thoughts on the pros and cons listed.
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