(image courtesy of Renee Baron)

One of the questions I see a lot on lifestyle forums is “How to get my partner to swing?” or “How do I get my spouse into wife sharing” so I thought I would tackle that subject in this post.

I will talk about “wife sharing” from the viewpoint of a husband who wants to get his wife interested in swinging. Although, for some couples, it is the wife who brings up the subject.

It’s all in the question

I can usually tell how a person is approaching things by the way they phrase the question in forums and I get frustrated when I see the question phrased “How can I convince my wife to swing” or “How can I make my wife swing”.

A better approach is how can I introduce the subject to my wife in a positive way to maximise the chance she will say yes. Or at least consider the subject seriously.

Attempting to force or trick your wife into swinging will not end well.

Introduce swinging to your wife by emphasising the benefits to her and your relationship. Acknowledge that there are pitfalls, this shows that you have thought seriously about the subject. Explain how you plan to avoid, or at least lessen the chance, of problems arising.

Introducing the topic of “wife sharing” with your wife

T here is no approach guaranteed to work. When first introduced your wife will want some time to think about it, unless she has been considering bringing the subject up herself.

However, there are ways of introducing “wife sharing” in a positive way to maximise the chance she will say yes.

Sounding out

Get a feel for your wife’s opinion on swinging first. See if she has any moral issues towards swinging.

Draw her attention to a news article about swinging just to gauge her reaction without suggesting that you join the swinging community.

Watch porn together with your wife, maybe show her a site that has videos of swinging parties or swinger couples.

Give her links to some sexy sites or some tumblr accounts you like.


If you get a positive reaction or at least a non-negative reaction you stand a good chance of introducing the subject as something you could both try.

If she has some moral issue you have a harder task ahead and I think that goes beyond the scope of this article as moral values run deep.

For some people swinging will be seen as cheating and will be morally wrong.

Introducing wife sharing

Next step is to introduce the idea of “wife sharing” or swinging as something you want to do with her as a couple. This can be tricky even if there are no issues with the concept of swinging as it now something that might happen in real life.

One option is to point out a nice looking couple next time you are out in the evening and fantasise with your wife what it would be like to have sex with them.

This will open up the discussion and will let her think about the prospect for a while with an actual picture of what it is like without putting pressure on her to commit to joining in with swinging.

Common issues and why I don’t see them really being an obstacle

Swinging and Jealousy

Jealousy in the lifestyle can be a big issue. It can be a huge block on the road to swinging and hard to get around.

Yes, there might be that odd fleeting feeling of jealousy when playing. I haven’t felt anything that hasn’t passed by the time the playdate is over.

You go home with your partner and nothing has changed. Once this happens you realise jealousy isn’t going to be a big problem for you.

Feeling inadequate

Another common issue I have heard is the feeling that you are not enough when your partner has suggested swinging.

You can help remove her fears by telling her how sexy and attractive you find her. Play with your wife as well as the other woman when on swinging dates. It will make swinging feel like a joint activity, something you do together as a couple.

Easy way to look for someone else

“My husband is just using swinging as an excuse to look for someone else.”

She suspects her husband will leave her as soon as he has found someone else to play with.

Show her how much you love her and how she is the most important person to you. Make it clear to her that you are not looking for someone else. You want to swing as a couple, it’s a joint experience you can enjoy together.

Feeling disloyal

Some women have an issue thinking about men other than their husbands in a sexual way.

You are not being disloyal or cheating because he has given consent. You can relax and have fun.

Getting outed

Some couples worry about friends or family finding out they are swingers.

They have a preference for playing with travelling couples or expats for this reason. It minimises the risk of meeting someone they know.

At swinger parties, everyone else is a swinger so outing you will also out them as well.

It’s only awkward seeing someone you know for the first 10 minutes. After that, you get around the ‘oh fancy seeing you here’ feeling.

We would love to hear from you

  • How did you first approach your partner about swinging?
  • Did you find one particular issue was blocking you and your partner from swinging, if so what was it?
  • How did you overcome any concerns etc ?
  • Have you approached things the wrong way in the past or have been answered with a flat no ?

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T ell us your story about how you introduced your wife/partner to the lifestyle.

Haven’t introduced the subject to your wife yet? Why not?

Let us know in the comments section below.