T here are many women in the swinging lifestyle that identify with being bi-sexual or bi-curious.
This post discusses why sometimes the women aren’t as keen to play with the ladies as their profile would lead you to believe.
- Sexuality definitions
- Why are there so many bisexual women in the swinging lifestyle?
- Where are they when it comes to playing.
- My experience
- We want to hear your opinions
The four main definitions that women in male/female couples use to describe their sexuality in the swinging lifestyle
No girl/girl play at all, not even cross touching or boob play. She only plays with men.
Means that the lady is fine with a bit of cross touching and playing with boobs/bums but probably not go as far as fingering or kissing.
She probably wouldn’t start any girl/girl either and might not respond to being touched by other women.
Means that she wants to explore the aspects of bi-sexual play between women but isn’t sure if she will like it.
She might also identify with this if she isn’t experienced but feels like she would enjoy girl/girl play.
She might start some of the action, and she will go respond to and enjoy other women’s approaches.
Means that she loves to play with both men and women equally.
So why does it seem that a lot of women in the lifestyle identify with bi-sexual or bi-curious?
I n my opinion the swinging lifestyle is a good choice for anyone to test the water on a variety of sexual desires.
A woman in the lifestyle might see this as an opportunity to see if she actually enjoys playing with women. Starting off identifying as bi-curious and then realising she is bi-sexual.
People in the lifestyle tend to be relaxed about bi-sexual women (men is a different matter). A woman in the lifestyle might see this as an ideal chance to experiment.
I have heard, from some of the bisexual women, that their bisexuality was the driving force behind them starting out in the swinging lifestyle.
So when it comes down to a play date where are all the bisexual and bicurious women then?
L ooking at all the adult dating sites for swingers a lot of the women appear to be either bi-curious or bi-sexual.
However, it is a common complaint from the bisexual women I have played with, that a lot of women who state bi-sexual or bi-curious on their profile just aren’t interested in playing with them when it gets to playing in the bedroom.
I see that as possibly happening for a few reasons:
Wishful thinking by the hubby
If the man is managing the couples profile he might think she is bi-sexual or bi-curious for several reasons:
- Stating his wife is bi-curious will get them more interest
- He could be hoping his wife has bi-sexual tendencies. He thinks, if his wife is approached by a bisexual lady, she will respond and find it fun so she will identify as being bi-curious or bi-sexual.
Other times she is bi-sexual but…
- May not be attracted to the other woman, a bi-sexual woman doesn’t have to play <b>with every woman</b> to prove her bi credentials.
- She finds the guy in the other couple so hot that she just wants to spend time playing with him.
- One of the men is sending signals that he wants to join in. She may be bi but it can’t easily evolve into a 4 way.
- She misses the cue that the other lady is interested. Men and women flirt in different ways.
An obvious come on to a bi-sexual woman may be taken to be a flirty act to a bi-curious woman. Women are very good at understanding signals from men but reading another woman’s intentions is not so obvious.
I have been in a couple of the above situations and not ended up playing with the lady in the other couple.
On those occasions though I have made a note that next time if the other lady wants to play we can have our fun first before the men.
My experiences of bi-sexual women in the lifestyle
I will tell more about my experiences with bisexuality in the swinging lifestyle in another post, but personally, I have played with only a few truly bisexual women and they have all said they are bisexual on their profile.
I have found, when meeting couples, bi-sexual women will bring it up in the conversation and ask if you are.
It goes the other way as well and if the woman is straight and knows you are bisexual I have found she will let you know and state if she is happy to interact a little or not at all.
From my experience, there are very few women who aren’t okay with any kind of girl/girl play during a play date even cross touching and playing with each other’s boobs and bum while mainly interacting with the men.
This is a good reason to meet up first for drinks as then there is no confusion and everyone can set expectations.
I have also found that if the other woman is bisexual I have not had to make the first move.
She generally leaves it in no doubt and there has never been any confusion.
Bisexual women will take things a lot further during a play date than a woman who is just bi-curious as well so I do tend to let the other woman lead.
We would love to hear from you
D o you agree that many couple’s profiles have the lady down as bicurious or bisexual but they don’t seem to be.
Are you a bi-sexual or bi-curious woman? If so what are your experiences of being a bisexual woman in the lifestyle?
Whether you are bi-sexual or not what have your experiences of bi-sexual women in the lifestyle been?
Did you discover your bi-sexual side through being in the lifestyle?
Was bisexuality a driving factor of being in the lifestyle?
You may also like
Great blog, I feel glad I’ve found it! I have been thinking about this topic as well, and you covered it really well! In fact, I am one of the women who chose “bisexual female” as a status, but does not really identify as bisexual. I love interacting with couples, and when I do, I perform sensual and sexual acts with the female as well—but I do not feel attracted to females, I never fantasize about women, and I do not see myself developing any romantic interest towards a woman. So I can’t even say I’m bi-curious, since I’m not curious: I’ve tried it, I know how it is, and I will do it again, but not for the female/female interaction. Why do I interact with females, then? Well, first of all, because a kiss is a kiss and a hand (or tongue…) between your legs feels good no matter who it belongs to. And I also always reciprocate: after all, it’s just skin, and even if I do not get pleasure/arousal out of performing the act, it still feels nice to know that I am bringing pleasure to someone else. The second (and main) reason why I engage in bisexual acts is my very strong exhibitionistic tendency. Knowing that most men love seeing two women together makes me very enthusiastic about putting on a show: so if it’s going to make the husband hard and lusty, his wife will have a good time with me (I’ve been told I have nimble fingers, though I need to work on my oral technique). That being said, I try to be very honest about it (so as not to create any false expectations), I describe this in my profile, and the women I have interacted with have always known that I identify as straight and that I am interacting with them for the viewing pleasure of their men. None of them complained (at least not to my face). 🙂 I hope I am doing the right thing.
Hi and thanks for your in-depth comment.
I wholeheartedly agree that a sexual act is something to be enjoyed and the gender of the people involved doesn’t matter, a kiss is indeed a kiss.
I have bi-curious on my profile as I wouldn’t be comfortable with saying I was bi-sexual when like you I don’t really identify with it, although a couple of women have remarked that I don’t act just curious.
Anyway I am glad you like the site and I will be posting a couple of articles over the next few weeks that I hope you will enjoy reading as much as this one.
One of the most important things men can learn is to wait to be invited if their partner is having fun with another woman.
My wife experimented with one of her bisexual friends many years ago, whilst in a campervan with the friends boyfriend as an onlooker. Unfortunatly after just a few minutes he began to join in, wanting to have attention rather than just providing helping hands or mouth.
My ex partner had a similar situation, and told me that she couldn’t settle into the play because of her partners husbands attentions.
Couldn’t agree more Ian,
Luckily hubby is actually very happy to watch and take nice photos (mentally and actually) and just chat to the other guy while us ladies warm up or dress up in nice lingerie.
He knows his time will come, when he will get to play with both of us women.
I have had one of the other bi ladies say though that she never seems to be able to play long with the ladies as their other halves are raring to go.
I am preparing to explore my feelings about women and am freaking out a little. I am married to my husband and have been for about 8yrs. A couple wants to meet us to see if we are compatible. I feel like I am entering the dating world and panicking a little. She looks hot and experienced. I, on the hand, am worried about rejection. Any tips on how to go about this?
The good thing about experienced swingers is that they know what everyone is there for and aren’t shocked or put off by inexperience or questions.
Just tell her you think she is hot but you are inexperienced, If she is as experienced as you think, she will only be too happy to show you the ropes 🙂
If for some reason she just doesn’t feel it again, she will tell you, handling rejection here for me is more of just have a fun evening anyway and ladies just play with the men.
She won’t be the first or the last Bi lady to cross your path and if you don’t click with her, you will with one of the others.
Don’t freak out, enjoy the journey into your bi side and pay it forward when you are the more experienced one and have a nervous lady at the beginning of her’s.
What about when your wife has *zero* interest in guys but wants to be with a woman? With my wife recently ‘coming out’ I’m facing this exact situation. 🙁
I not sure whether you are saying that your wife has come out as a lesbian and
you are included in the “zero” interest in guys and she wants to leave, or do you just mean in regards to the lifestyle.
i am going with you meaning in regards to the lifestyle, and I am guessing that you mean she has come out as bi-sexual, or at least bi-curious.
In regards to swinging, is your wife saying she will only play with single bi/lesbian women or are you saying that she prefers to play with a couple where the woman is bi so she has the chance to play with women?
Part of the fun of swinging, for me anyway, is that you can experiment and try things out that being in a vanilla marriage you wouldn’t allow you to but you get to stay with the person you love.
I find that for a lot of swinger women (by no means all though), they like being with another woman and for some it just stays at enjoying when given the chance, others are a little more direct may state a preference in their profile or just ‘pick’ couples where the woman is bi and insist on the ladies playing first.
Just let her have her fun while playing and enjoy the view, I know a lot of men like to watch the ladies playing first and it helps them get in the mood.