In this post I debunk some of the more common myths about swingers and the swinging lifestyle.
Myth 1: All swingers are ugly overweight people!
Truth: Swingers come in all shapes and sizes, we know some younger, really good looking swinger couples and older, really good looking swinger couples who spend a lot of times on their bodies.
There are also some younger and older couples who just enjoy themselves and aren’t hung up on working out to impress others.
Myth 2: All swingers are into kinky sex.
Truth: While one of the good points of swinging in my opinion is that you can push your boundaries and try things that you might not if it was just you and your partner, it isn’t about kinky sex.
There are some more experienced ‘hard core’ swingers out there that like a bit of BDSM and more fetish style play.
However they identify this on their profiles and tend to hang around the more hardcore sites anyway so easy to avoid.
Every couple’s play style is different and that means that you will get a mix of sexual appetites/needs and desires.
Myth 3: Swinging is Cheating !
Truth: Swinging is not cheating.
In swinging both halves of the couple know everything that is going on.
Everything is with the consent of both parties, even if both partners aren’t present.
Cheating is where one partner is doing something without the knowledge and consent of their partner.
Myth 4: Swinging will keep a potential cheater from cheating.
Truth: Nope, swinging just gives a cheater more opportunity to cheat.
A lot of the buzz from cheating comes from the lies, sneaking around behind the partner’s back and getting away with it.
A cheater would not get this from swinging, so although swinging might help the sexual side of the cheating urge it won’t fulfill the need to have secret sex.
Hence the cheater would probably go back to cheating eventually but with the connections made in the swinging community to pick from this time as well.
Myth 5: People who swing have bad marriages !
Truth: You need a pretty solid marriage to be able to swing.
Most of the couples we know have great marriages, love each other and just use swinging as a bit of adult fun inside the marriage.
They tend to be couples that have the best communication skills with each other and the most trust in each other.
It is hard to tell if their communication skills with each other are good because of swinging, or they have fun swinging because their communication skills with each other are good.
They also tend to be very supportive of each other in all aspects of their lives.
Myth 6: Swinging will help a weak/damaged relationship !
Truth: As in the myth above you need a pretty solid relationship to swing.
All swinging will do is amplify any jealousy or lack of trust and the relationship will come under even more strain and is unlikely to survive the couple swinging.
In these instances the couple is better stopping swinging until the relationship is stronger.
There has to be that level of trust and communication that when a relationship is breaking down or under pressure isn’t there.
Some people may try swinging as a way to help an ailing relationship depending on their actual issue but the problems will still be there.
Myth 7: Swinging is always the husband’s idea !
Truth: This isn’t quite true.
Okay we have found that in the majority of the cases the husband made the suggestion first but that isn’t important really as long as the lady is keen on the idea once it has been suggested.
What is very important is
Also with a few couples it is the woman who does most of the communicating and arranging as the hubby is too busy.
In our case we had both discussed swinging before and although it was hubby’s suggestion to actually create the profile it was something we had more or less agreed that we would like to try it.
Myth 8: Swinging is only for couples
Truth: I have to say that while I agree with the statement above, technically it isn’t true, single people can ‘swing’ as well.
There are many single men and single women, straight and bi that are members of swinging forums and they join couples to make threesomes and they class themselves as ‘swingers’ (ooh this sounds like a good subject for a future post).
Myth 9: Swingers don’t believe in God.
Truth: Religion has nothing to do with swinging and we know several swinging couples that are from a variety of religions as well as some atheists.
They see their religion as very important to them and keep the sexual side of their life separate from their religion.
Myth 10: All swingers do drugs!
Truth: We have yet to come across any swingers that partake in any drugs other than smoking and drinking, and we have met a lot of couples.
In fact if we are on a play date there tends to be less alcohol around as alcohol inhibits performances.
I have heard of one couple where the man takes some enhancers when he goes to parties but other than hearing about that one person we have never come across drug taking.
Myth 11: Swingers are bad parents!
Truth: Most of the swinger couples we know are parents and they worship their children.
They are careful to make sure their swinging life and their home life are separated and because of this it can be hard to arrange a meeting.
Meetings get cancelled or put off all the time due to children falling ill or won’t go to sleep for the babysitter.
The ladies love to talk about their children and it’s amazing how they can switch from children to a sexy topic quickly.
Some couples even have a separate phone they use to arrange their swinging activities because their children use their phones sometimes.
Myth 12: All females who swing are bisexual!
Truth: I wish this was true. I am bi-curious which means I like the odd adventure into exploring that side of myself.
However very few of the women out of all the couples we have played with have been bi and several of the women have said they would hate the thought of playing with another woman.
In fact the bi women we have played with have said how hard it is to find couples to play with where the women is even remotely bi curious.
Myth 13: People swing because they aren’t happy with their sex life at home!
Truth: One of the less obvious myths, ‘If people where happy with their sex life they wouldn’t swing’.
This may sound like sense but in fact doesn’t tend to be the norm.
Most couples swing because they have a great sex life at home that can be enhanced by living out one or two fantasies with other couples.
Myth 14: Swingers Are Completely Open-Minded.
Truth: Swingers are just people and like all people there have prejudices and cliques within the lifestyle.
There is a lot of prejudice against Bi Males for instance and we know several couples that won’t play with certain races or will only play with their own race.
Also in Asia anyway, there are a lot of couples who’s profile say Caucasian Men only but the women can be any race.
Myth 15: Swingers try to convert everyone else to their lifestyle
Truth: There is a saying in the swinging community ‘Make friends of swingers, not swingers of friends’.
Swinging isn’t for every couple and we certainly recognise that, not every couple has the right dynamic between themselves to even discuss swinging with let alone suggest trying it.
There may be the odd exception where a swinging couple may find another couple or person so sexy and irresistible they might approach the subject but this would be rare.
Some couples may be open about their lifestyle and everyone in their circle would know.
Some of their friends may even show interest but there is such a stigma attached to swinging that most couples don’t announce to their friends what they get up to, let alone try and convert them.
Myth 16: You can identify a swinger by……
Truth: Sorry but there is no way you can identify a swinger unless you walk into a swinging party or a swinging club.
I don’t behave any differently towards people now to before I became a swinger, and you would not think that any of the couples that we have met are swingers.
We don’t wear any special identifying trinkets or jump on people for sex in public places.
Myth 17: Swingers will have sex with anyone!
Truth: That is just not true, there has to be some kind of connection and attraction there otherwise it isn’t any fun.
While we might agree to have a drink with a swinging couple, we don’t always feel the connection is there to take it to the next level.
In those cases we might agree to only meet them socially if there is a social connection, or let them know that we didn’t feel the connection and wish them well in the future.
Myth 18: Swingers are ALWAYS in the mood for sex!
Truth: Hardly. Swingers are people and like normal people swinger’s sex drives have highs and lows.
Play dates get cancelled/rescheduled or turned into social dates if we aren’t in the mood, and are they are scheduled around the rest of our lives not the other way around.
We aren’t too busy having sex to hold down good jobs and look after our families and we don’t go round looking at everyone as possible sex partners.
So there it is…
I have answered the above myths with the truth as I have experienced things as the lady in a swinging couple in Asia.
People might have different experiences to me and I would love to hear about these in the comments below.
We would love to hear from you.
- Do you know of any more myths about swingers you have queries on.
- Do you have any comments or opinions on the myths in the post?
- Do you have any comments or queries on lifestyle topics in general ?
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